Julius Agwu, a comedian/musician, has been married to his
wife, Ibiere for five years. The marriage is blessed with a daughter, Zahra.
They talk about their marriage in this interview
wife, Ibiere for five years. The marriage is blessed with a daughter, Zahra.
They talk about their marriage in this interview
You have been married for five years. How
has the journey been like?
has the journey been like?
Ibiere: It has been good.
How did you meet?
Julius: We met at a wedding in year 2000; she was part of the bridal
train. Incidentally, Okey Bakassi and I were the comperes at the event, and
both of us competed on who would be the first to ask her out. I
made the first move but she was too little, she was underage
train. Incidentally, Okey Bakassi and I were the comperes at the event, and
both of us competed on who would be the first to ask her out. I
made the first move but she was too little, she was underage
Ibiere (cuts in): I was 18, I was not underage.
Julius Agwu: Well, she was 18 but she was a baby. I just saw one beautiful
girl. I was smarter, I was faster, and I was able to get her contact. We became
friends but she started putting up an attitude whenever I tried reaching her.
At a point, I called her bluff and wondered who she was. In fact, I forgot
about her.
girl. I was smarter, I was faster, and I was able to get her contact. We became
friends but she started putting up an attitude whenever I tried reaching her.
At a point, I called her bluff and wondered who she was. In fact, I forgot
about her.
Ibiere, why did you put up an
attitude?
attitude?
Ibiere: I was not
putting up any attitude, I just concentrated on my books, then, I was in my first
year in the university.
putting up any attitude, I just concentrated on my books, then, I was in my first
year in the university.
Was your attitude as a result of his
profession as a comedian?
profession as a comedian?
Ibiere: The
fact that he is a comedian had nothing to do with my decision, I wasn’t just
interested.
fact that he is a comedian had nothing to do with my decision, I wasn’t just
interested.
So, at what point did you change your
mind and show interest?
mind and show interest?
Ibiere: After the first meeting, we lost contact for two years;
we met later and became friends.
we met later and became friends.
When you met her later, what was your
reaction?
reaction?
Julius: I met her
two years later in 2002 when I lost my father. I was very angry
because at that period, my career was just kicking off. The day he died,
I went to Chioba, my village to settle his hospital bills. On getting there, I
saw a crowd of mourners at our gate. I was so angry that I made up my mind to
drink myself to stupor. I went to a town in Port Harcourt to have
drinks with some friends who had come to commiserate with me. When
I left our table for the toilet, I ran into her on the corridor. She
informed me that it was the eve of her birthday and she had come out for some
drinks with her friends. I informed her that I had just
lost my father. We moved from there to another club and since it was her
birthday, I decided to buy drinks for everybody. After all the money I
spent at the club, they wanted to leave. So, I asked her, “are you leaving
without even giving me a kiss?” She said, for what?’ I realised she was
still putting up an attitude and that got me very angry. This was in addition
to the fact that I was tipsy. Again, I called her bluff. During my father’s
burial, she came, but she was still a baby because she still had her curfew and
she was not supposed to stay out late. But I was impressed that she made
out time to visit me.
two years later in 2002 when I lost my father. I was very angry
because at that period, my career was just kicking off. The day he died,
I went to Chioba, my village to settle his hospital bills. On getting there, I
saw a crowd of mourners at our gate. I was so angry that I made up my mind to
drink myself to stupor. I went to a town in Port Harcourt to have
drinks with some friends who had come to commiserate with me. When
I left our table for the toilet, I ran into her on the corridor. She
informed me that it was the eve of her birthday and she had come out for some
drinks with her friends. I informed her that I had just
lost my father. We moved from there to another club and since it was her
birthday, I decided to buy drinks for everybody. After all the money I
spent at the club, they wanted to leave. So, I asked her, “are you leaving
without even giving me a kiss?” She said, for what?’ I realised she was
still putting up an attitude and that got me very angry. This was in addition
to the fact that I was tipsy. Again, I called her bluff. During my father’s
burial, she came, but she was still a baby because she still had her curfew and
she was not supposed to stay out late. But I was impressed that she made
out time to visit me.
At what point did it occur to you
that he might propose?
that he might propose?
Ibiere: At no point, when he
proposed, I was not actually thinking about marriage because I had just
graduated and was not even thinking of marriage.
proposed, I was not actually thinking about marriage because I had just
graduated and was not even thinking of marriage.
But Julius, do you agree that part of
this attraction could be the fact that she was not really interested?
this attraction could be the fact that she was not really interested?
Julius: One thing about me is that I like to have my way. I have always
had my way and she posed a challenge for me through her lack of interest.
But I did not just see a beautiful girl, I saw someone who was intelligent and
stern. She was principled from the outset. She is actually my greatest critic.
had my way and she posed a challenge for me through her lack of interest.
But I did not just see a beautiful girl, I saw someone who was intelligent and
stern. She was principled from the outset. She is actually my greatest critic.
Since he is a jovial person and makes
money out of telling jokes, are there times you expect him to be serious about
some issues and he is not?
money out of telling jokes, are there times you expect him to be serious about
some issues and he is not?
Ibiere: He knows when I want him to be serious and he sees it on my
face. Most times, I don’t even need to say anything, I just look at him and he
knows I mean business. Also, I know when he is serious. When I see his facial
expression I know.
face. Most times, I don’t even need to say anything, I just look at him and he
knows I mean business. Also, I know when he is serious. When I see his facial
expression I know.
His job entails a lot of publicity.
How do you deal with that especially being with him almost at every event?
How do you deal with that especially being with him almost at every event?
Ibiere: I am
always with him but I am not in the public glare because I don’t bring myself
out there to be seen. I am always in the background.
always with him but I am not in the public glare because I don’t bring myself
out there to be seen. I am always in the background.
Do you laugh at his jokes when he is
on stage?
on stage?
Ibiere: If it is funny I laugh, if it is not I don’t laugh.
You must really enjoy his jovial
nature?
nature?
Ibiere: He could be very annoying; forget all these things he does on
stage. He gets me annoyed.
stage. He gets me annoyed.
At home?
Ibiere: Not even at home.
What does he do to annoy you?
(At this point, the couple stared
hard at each other).
hard at each other).
Ibiere: What does he do to annoy me? Hmm… I don’t want to go there.
Julius: Go there now.
What does she do to make you angry?
Julius: She is an
introvert; most times I am the one who would ask, ‘are you okay? What is the
problem?’ She would just keep to herself and that really gets at me. Sometimes,
I would expect her to ask me how I am faring but she never does. Though I like
the fact that she really doesn’t have friends; but I still don’t like the way
she treats me. Before we got married she would ask me, ‘baby, have you
eaten? Try and eat something please.’ Since we got married, she has not
bothered to ask me if I have eaten! These days, I have to beg her to ask me if
I have eaten.
introvert; most times I am the one who would ask, ‘are you okay? What is the
problem?’ She would just keep to herself and that really gets at me. Sometimes,
I would expect her to ask me how I am faring but she never does. Though I like
the fact that she really doesn’t have friends; but I still don’t like the way
she treats me. Before we got married she would ask me, ‘baby, have you
eaten? Try and eat something please.’ Since we got married, she has not
bothered to ask me if I have eaten! These days, I have to beg her to ask me if
I have eaten.
Is this true?
Ibiere: No. It is not true.
When was the last time you asked him
if he had eaten?
if he had eaten?
Ibiere: I asked
him day before yesterday.
him day before yesterday.
Julius: When was
the last time before the day before yesterday?
the last time before the day before yesterday?
How do you settle fights?
Ibiere: We fight until one of us is tired; usually he is the one who
gets tired first.
gets tired first.
Is it true?
Julius: It is
true. The kind of job I do is to give laughter and joy. So, each time we
quarrel, I don’t feel comfortable, I can’t claim to give people joy when I am
not happy. I thought I was an expert at keeping malice. until I met her.
true. The kind of job I do is to give laughter and joy. So, each time we
quarrel, I don’t feel comfortable, I can’t claim to give people joy when I am
not happy. I thought I was an expert at keeping malice. until I met her.
Ibiere: You are
worse than me. I might not be happy but if I am angry, I can still talk to him
but if he is angry, he can go on and would not even say a word to anybody.
worse than me. I might not be happy but if I am angry, I can still talk to him
but if he is angry, he can go on and would not even say a word to anybody.
Has your bond grown stronger?
Both: Yes it
has. Funny enough it has.
has. Funny enough it has.
What has kept your marriage?
Julius: We just
decided that we would not engage in stupid quarrels.
decided that we would not engage in stupid quarrels.
Ibiere: Before
the situation gets to the stage of quarrelling, we speak about our feelings
instead of bottling up issues.
the situation gets to the stage of quarrelling, we speak about our feelings
instead of bottling up issues.
